


Cole

by The_Degu



Series: After everything [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Friendship, Multi, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-Tresspasser, anniversary effect, hair talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 08:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13186461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Degu/pseuds/The_Degu
Summary: Kuten is reliving some of the worst days of her life. She can't find herself to ask her lover for help, but on a walk, she finds someone who already knows what she is going through (in every sense of the phrase).





	Cole

**Author's Note:**

> this takes place shortly after the first part of this series, but you do not have to read it to understand this part (though I would appreciate it if you did).  
> The stories in this series are mostly going to be nonlinear, jumping between characters and times that best suit it. they can be read individually as well as together. just some context is helpful between them.

Kuten walked through the dense forest of the Hinterlands. The path she walked was familiar but the exact location was not. She looked for any landmarks but found none, and the creeping dread of being lost started crawling across her neck. but she did not let this faze her nor did it take hold due to the fact that she heard the sound of sera, Bull and Dorian squabbling behind her.

It was a clear day and the usual haze of the area seemed to be a little denser than usual; along with the undergrowth they had to trek through.  It was cool out, but not cold enough to be uncomfortable, just enough that the heavy armor Kuten was wearing didn’t feel as uncomfortable as it usually did.  The forest was unusually quiet as well, there was no sound of birds or small animals running away from the party. Just the indecipherable sound of sera shouting at one of the two about something that Kuten couldn’t quite understand.

The four found their way into a clearing. It was mostly filled with short grass and there were a few large stones strewn throughout. It was nice not having to wade through the sea of prickly bushes and undergrowth that they were previously wading through. It was quite pretty and peacefull in the clearing, but the beauty is not what caught Kuten’s eye; there was an inquisition solder in the middle of the clearing, alone and lying motionless. Kuten ran to them wanting to help. She knelt by the motionless body and pulled one of her health potions out to give to the solder if they needed it.

Kuten pulled the limp body on to her lap hoping that whoever this was that they were still alive, but when she saw the face of the body she felt vomit rise in her throat. The person’s face was completely torn off, blood still trickled from the exposed muscle and sinew. Their eyes were wide open, without any lids to protect them, and their teeth were bored like a skeleton’s.

Kuten turned her head to the forest; to see what the others had to say, or to just not look at the body in her arms, but only found the dark forest in front of her. Dorian, Bull, and Sera were nowhere to be seen. Kuten tried to call out to her friends but found her voice gone, and was unable to make sound little beyond a whisper.

Looking back to the clearing Kuten found that it was no longer like the Hinterlands. instead, it looked was Haven, but not the Haven Kuten liked to remember. It was Haven during the attack. Demons crawled, slithered and walked through the place she once called home. paying Kuten and the soldier no mind. Kuten felt changed to the ground as she watched the demons destroy the houses and buildings. She heard the screams of the people she leads. she saw the shadows of her friends fighting off the hoard, but she could not coax her body to stand, or even yell out.

Suddenly the sky flashed that sickly green and the sky tore open like a sheet of paper. the light was so intense Kuten had to look away. blinking the spots of light out of her eyes; Kuten was now in the breach, rocks floating around her and the screams of her army now a distant wind.

She wanted to scream or stand or do ANYTHING when she saw the bodies.

Everyone was there, Cassandra, Varric , Vivienne, Iron Bull, Sera, Dorian, Blackwall and even Cole. Were all strewn in front of her each one more horrific to look at than the last. Their bodies torn open, limbs cut off, bones twisted in unnatural positions. She looked up and saw others their too, countless people floating were wearing the inquisition uniforms. Some faces she recognized, others just a mishmash of features and bold.

Some part of Kuten wanted to look down at the body she still clutched in her arms. But every other part of her brain knew not to look and screamed for her not to do it. She wished she listened to that part of her brain.

Josephine lay motionless in her arms. She did not have the missing face of the solder that was previously there but instead her head lulled in an unnatural way. Kuten her body only let her shake and sob as she collapsed into her fiancé’s body.

Kuten felt the hand on her shoulder shaking her, shaking, shaking, shaking, until her eyes finally opened into a dark room. She was in her room in Val Royeaux. She gasped for air like she had been drowning and desperately pushed away the body holding her down. she dug for the knife she kept under her pillows but found nothing there. She was ready to fight whoever this person was and ready to strike.

“my Love it is me!” Josephine almost shouts “Kuten! Please it was only a dream”

with some more encouragement, Kuten slowly came back to reality. Now more lucid She stands and paces around the small room; trying to work some of the adrenalin out of her system. She walks over to the basin and splashes some of the cold water on her face, washing to sweat off slightly. She looks back over to Josephine and gave a weak smile, but Josephine has none of it and looks at Kuten with a scowl.

“I'm fine,” Kuten says, trying to stop the fight before it starts “like you said it was just a dream”  
“you should talk about it,” Josephine says using her work voice “this is not healthy! Every year it is like this! It starts with the dreams then you start seeing things while you're awake. If you keep up like this someone will notice and take you away!”

“Josephine” Kuten says exasperated “you wouldn’t understand.”

“I would if you let me.” Josephine says with slight desperation “you are hurting, and I want to help. just let me, please.”

“I don’t want to have this fight right now,” Kuten says running her hands through her hair. She walks over to the wardrobe and grabs a pair of trousers and a shirt. She curses loudly at the shirt as it refuses to button. her shaky hand refusing to do its job. Josephine walks up to her carefully and starts doing buttons for her. Kuten huffs and tries to swallow her pride as she waits.

Josephine was right, every year it was like this; even after everything. Like clockwork, a week before the anniversary of Haven and three before the defeat of Corypheus. The nightmares would start (well, become worse than usual). then she would start losing sleep, then she will start seeing things while awake. then there will be no way to tell between being awake and being asleep.

“I’m sorry,” Kuten says, “I didn’t mean to raise my voice”

Josephine just hums in reply before finishing the last button. She looks up at Kuten with sad tired eyes, but also a look of deep thought. She stands on her toes and kisses Kuten on the cheek before saying “just come home before dawn okay?”

Kuten nods, even though she has no idea how soon dawn will be.

The streets of Val Royeaux were nearly completely empty as Kuten walks. It is abnormally chilly for the time of year and Kuten regrets not grabbing a coat before she left. She thinks about heading to the Red Jenny hideout for a brief moment, but decides agents it. on one should be their right now (at least no one worth talking to). So instead she wanders the streets without a place in mind.

 It must be pretty late because most of the bars are closed or shutting down. Kuten’s usual watering holes included. So, she makes her way to some of the poorer districts; knowing that they like to party later. Luckily, she finds a bar, (or maybe a house, having a party?), and wanders in.

The room smells of old booze, and sweat. It sounds of general merriment, singing, music and the beat of dancing feet. She knows the song and can’t help but let her foot tap to the beat of the Bodhrán and the melody of the lute filling the room. A large blazing fire fills the fireplace and along with all of the bodies in the room, it is nearly suffocating with how warm it is.

Kuten finds her way to a table. Still unsure if this place is a bar or a house with an open party. She doesn’t find herself getting any ugly looks or getting kicked out so either way, she feels somewhat comfortable. A barmaid finds her way to where Kuten is sitting and sets a pint down without asking anything. She gives Kuten a wink and a smile then happily takes the money Kuten hands to her.

Kuten is just happy to watch the merriment in front of her. she slowly puts together that this is indeed a house, but one that has been converted to some sort of community center, and the party is for a wedding. She can see the bride bobbing and bouncing through the crowd. And the husband trying to keep track of her, as she dances with anyone with a pulse.

As the previous song stops and the next one starts Kuten perks slightly. The singer’s voice is familiar, she had heard it before but couldn’t quite place it. So, Kuten stands and makes her way through the crowd. It is difficult finding the source of the voice but when she finally does she can’t help but let some joy flow through her body.

Maryden does not notice Kuten when she first sees her, but smiles and gives a slight wave when she does. Kuten gives her a questioning look witch Maryden deciphers easily. she gestures slightly pointing outside. Kuten mouths thank you before leaving the party.

Kuten walks out into the street and calls into the night. “Cole your there?”

It is a minute before anything happens, but she eventually catches movement out of the corner of her eye and fallows it.  She finds her way to a communal well. Several stone benches sit around it, along with a few buckets and basins. someone is sitting on one of the benches with their back facing Kuten. Kuten walks nonchalantly to the bench and sits down dramatically on it.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Kuten says with a fake Orlesian accent

“you are troubled,” Cole says, and Kuten deflates slightly “you are hurting”

“yea” Kuten sighs “guess it’s pretty obvious then?”  
            Cole looks up at Kuten his eyes searching and says, “you are never this loud”

“yea,” Kuten says “sorry about it, I'm trying to not think about it. Maryden is doing a great job in there”

Kuten is glad that the change of topic works.

“yes, she is,” Cole says, his expression changing from that of concern to that of pride and happiness “s-she was playing on the street this morning and a man asked if she could play at his wedding. We said yes and she has been singing since six. they like her.”

“everyone loves Maryden” Kuten echoes “you're very lucky to have someone like her”

Cole blushes then says “yes, we love each other. She makes me happy. Like you and Josephine.”

Kuten nods at first then remembers their argument not two hours ago. She can’t help but let her brow furrow slightly. She can see Cole look at her expectancy she sighs and leans back slightly, resting her elbows on the wall of the well.

“I don’t want to trouble her,” Kuten says trying to find her words “and she just won’t understand what is going on. I try to tell her but all she says is that it isn’t my fault”

“isn’t your fault?” Cole says trying to get Kuten to elaborate.

“people died because of me.” Kuten says “hundreds of people. And I KNOW it was for the ‘greater good’ but its still shitty. I have all of those lives that I controlled; their daily routines what they ate and wore, when they fought. So, _I_ controlled when they died and she doesn’t understand that!”

“you did not make those decisions alone.” Cole says, “Josephine was one of those who helped you with them.”

“she only helped with the political part” Kuten Huffs “Cullen, Liliana and I were the ones to decided when the troops moved. And it was up to me to make the final decision, the others could place the blame on me if something shat itself. I was the one responsible for it all in the end and I can’t blame anyone else for my mistakes. Maker, I wish I could just forget it all sometimes”

Kuten looks over to Cole, who shakes his head. she lets out a snort knowing that that type of power had left him a long time ago. And even if he did still have it she wouldn’t really want it all of it gone.

Cole brushes some of the hair out of his face that got knocked into it when he shook his head. Kuten looked at him and says “you really need a haircut”

“Maryden likes it long,” Cole says furrowing his brow then continues “but it does get in the way sometimes”

“here let me help,” Kuten says, then takes her hair out of its usual bun “like this”

Kuten then slowly goes through the steps of putting her hair into a ponytail. Explaining how to hold the hair and tie the string off at the same time. after showing him she hands the leather band to Cole. He goes through the motions, Kuten coaching him when he got stuck. Soon enough and a few tries in, Cole has his hair up in one of the worst ponytails Kuten has ever seen, but it works. He goes to undo the tie but Kuten stops him before he takes it out.

“keep it, you need it more than I do,” Kuten says “besides, you’ll both be happy this way. a… a compromise”

the irony of the words only has a few moments to set in before Maryden walks around the corner. By the way she shuffles her feet, it is obvious that she is somewhat intoxicated or just _very_ tiered.

“trying to steal my boy, are you?” she says with no animosity in her voice. she quickly becomes distracted by Cole and says “trying a new look?”

Cole stammers for a moment before Maryden cuts him off with a kiss and whispers loudly “I like it, love.”

She then looks up to Kuten and gives a dopey smile. Kuten says “do you have a place to stay? You can come sleep at my place if you want to. I’m sure that Josephine would be happy to see you both.”

The two look at each other for a moment, having a salient compensation between each other. Maryden looks back to Kuten and says “no, we’re fine. We have a place not too far from here that’s already paid for.”

“alright,” Kuten says with some suspicion in her voice but doesn’t press it further. Kuten looks to the east to see the first light of morning. She sighs and stands reading herself for whatever Josephine has instore for her when she gets home. Kuten looks over to Cole who is speaking softly to Maryden and says, “I guess this I goodbye for now,”

“y-yes I guess,” Cole says looking back to Kuten then adds “when you go back, maybe take your own words into consideration.”

Kuten nods and gives a last goodbye and heads towards home. hoping that she can make some sort of compromise with Josephine and herself.

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks everyone for reading this next installment in this series, every kudos, and comment mean the word to me. it makes me so happy to see the emails letting me know when people like my work, it always brightens my day.  
> anyway, time for shameless self-promotion! here is my Tumblr if you're interested thedegu.tumblr.com


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